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It costs a lighted candle nothing to light another candle. Except each time you do that some wax will dribble on the floor causing unsightly waxy build up. Which you can stoop to scrape up, inevitably leading to a pulled back muscle. However, you can sell that scraped-up wax back to the candle maker at a loss and use the measly proceeds for a chiropractor. Or, better yet, sue that candle-making bastard for all he’s worth for making defective products. And next time, buy a flashlight and mind your own business. Poore Richard A bad relationship is like the Albeginsian Heresy: Everything starts out fun & games with just a little flirtation with Manichean dualism, but before you know it, someone winds up burned at the stake. Poore Richard Ingram’s Addition to Murphy’s Law: Everything has already gone wrong; you’re just becoming aware of it one small bit at a time. Poore Richard Strive to learn something new each day. That way, by the next morning when you’ve completely forgotten what it was, you’ll have something worth complaining about. Poore Richard I thought I was unfortunate because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who broke glass all over my yard in a fit of rage and, after that, I knew I was unfortunate. Poore Richard Those who don’t pay a writer are usually the second to complain about the quality of the writing. Those who pay a writer are usually the third to complain. Those who do not read the writing in the first place are the first and loudest of the writer’s critics. Poore Richard If you can’t say something nice, you’re probably talking about me. Poore Richard Most men cannot make a distinction between having a penis and being a penis. Poore Richard “Wanted -- Utter Morons”: An advertisement to recruit for the offices of Governor and Legislator in the Great State of Georgia. Poore Richard I often find myself contemplating how I’ll look in an orange prison jumpsuit. Poore Richard You know you’ve arrived as an artist and intellectual in America when someone shows up and repos something. Poore Richard Suffering is just the universe’s little memo reminding you exactly how important you really are. Poore Richard Black isn’t the absence of light, it’s the presence of Truth. Poore Richard What if there’s nothing to do in Heaven except listen to old Duran Duran 45s on a vintage 1971 plastic Mickey Mouse record player with a worn-out needle? Poore Richard Money saved is a sure sign you’ll receive a bill for the same amount within a week. Poore Richard Divorce: The gift that keeps on giving. Poore Richard |
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Poore Richard’s Aphorisms for the Week of Our Lord, 5 February Two Thousand
and Seven, which He must claim regardless of inclination to Obliterate it.
