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5/26/1999
CINEMA ENEMA
We don’t often review films, since we don’t support first run features.
Nor do we often offer our two cents’ on the latest fad that everyone is
talking about. But I can’t keep my mouth shut after sitting through George
Lucas’ lastest effort this week.
Let me start off by saying I had to go see it. Not because I grew up with it,
worshipped it, and wanted to relive the excitement I felt seeing it as a kid
but because I knew the hype would be overwhelming and if I didn’t see it
soon I wouldn’t want to see it at all!
So Monday we headed down to the 10 o’clock show and found the place half-empty,
despite all the stories of sold-out shows for weeks. I settled in and as the
credits scrolled up the screen in Star Wars fashion the theme came in and I
found myself giddy, recalling the first time I saw the first one as a kid. We’d
waited a while in line at the Tara back when I was 8, I think, before we were
told all shows until midnight were sold out. My father, brother and I had to
return a couple of weeks later to finally see what everyone had been talking
about and it envoloped my life like it did so many others.
So Monday I was grinning ear to ear as those credits rolled and those trumpets
sounded.
Then it all went to hell.
It starts off with some fabulous effects. The amazing effects and computer animation
continue through most of the film. In fact, they ARE most of the film. It feels
like a fucking video game and for anyone that’s hung around an arcade without
any money you can understand how utterly uninteresting and frustrating that
can be. Halfway through the film I was ready to walk out so I would not be further
dissappointed. Hell, it gets so damn slow and uninteresting you don’t think
there’s a new hope for the excitement to strike back.
The only good parts about it is the pod racing scene and the light saber battle
choreography (which I could get in any good B kung fu movie.)
Having 90% of the film computer generated makes it so utterly alien that you
cannot identify with the characters, and the human characters' acting was so
stiff that you didn't care about them either. On top of that I felt like I was
watching a watered down version of the previous movies put in a blender - each
and every scene felt like a scene from one of the other three films!
But wait, there’s more! It seemed like the entire flick was aimed at kids
- cutesy computer-generated Jar Jar Binks irritated me, a child hero (who couldn't
act), and did anyone else notice ALMOST NOBODY DIED! In the previous films people
died in combat all the time, even a few of those damned ewoks bit the dust.
All the combat in this one were against droids, any living creature was just
scared off. Kinda like A-Team combat. There was NO strong villain in the film.
Darth Maul has, what, two lines? And he looks like one of the Insane Clown Posse!
No character whatsoever! And the Japanese accent trading federation guys? Who
gives a damn about them, they're just pawns. So we get a hint of the Emporer
as a flickering TV picture? So what? So there's no fear of any bad guys. No
identifying with any of the good guys. No caring about the innocent victims
since THERE ARE NONE - we don't see the ravages of the invasion. Amazingly bad.
And now I have to suffer through countless months of hype reminding me of how
badly dissappointed I was! Ugh.
I wish a good strong villain like Vader would lop Jar Jar’s head off and
shove it in Lucas' mouth and hand him over to Boba Fett!
EAR PLUGS
There’s a photo of Nashville Pussy’s guitar player Ruyter Suys in
Rolling Stone this issue, in handcuffs. She got busted in Chicago for touching
a security guard during a show and fined for assault, a whopping $75.
Take me to Degenerate Press' home page!
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