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Fantasm 2003

First stop on our tour, a random hotel ballroom where a hardcore metal band plays to their girlfriends and not much else. Growly vocals and talented musicianship, but 13 Down don't draw a crowd at Fantasm.

Instead, random fools show up and do the Highland Fling as sort of a dancing heckle.

But as promised, there's little of the official events in my version of the story. Instead, get into the highest platform shoes you can find...

grab hold of the nearest online porn star...

and make sure to get yourself a stiff drink. You're going to need it for some of these sights!

The first party of the weekend is the Jonestown 10th Anniversary. No, not the anniversary of the Jonestown Massacre, but of the party named after the Jonestown Massacre. "The Reverend" tends bar at random, between suceeding from the United States in a furor, and dancing to 60's surf music.

But despite the obvious insanity many of these damned souls display, an aura of friendliness abounds.

Along the way you'll meet other officials of the church, such as Reverend Gayle. Though of what church you won't be able to tell...

Hold onto your porn star tightly or she'll ditch you for the first great pair of breasts that come along!

Refuel in the con suite, coffee, donuts, chips, dips, salt, fat, sugar, and socializing.

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