After being snowed in for a week, I was ready to do something. Almost anything would’ve done, but I was lucky – it was the weekend of Blast-Off Burlesque’s Holidazed and Confused show. Sure, I was sick of the holidays, but this troupe always puts on a heck of a show so I knew I’d get a few surprises. I didn’t expect nearly as many as I got.

The whole show was MC’ed by none other than Rip Taylor in full confetti-throwing glory, rattling off jokes so bad you had to laugh. As if that weren’t chaos enough, Stilt Walkin’ Sam showed up to sell mattresses every few skits, representing President’s Day, 4th of July and more.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Things started with the expected holiday, Christmas (or, as we call it around Degenerate Press, Consumass.)

But hardly any sketch goes where you expect. This one turned into Beach Blanket Burlesque, thanks to the birthing of a beach ball.

Bastille Day? These were not the holidays I expected to see. Nor did I expect a gymnastic display atop a guillotine…

(I’d apologize for the party hats in every shot but they were seated in front of me. Just think of them as your own MST3K cast.)

Even Halloween is complicated. A ghost turns into a pumpkin which reveals a which which transforms into a sexy cat.

Yes, that’s all one performer, one routine, on stage before our very eyes.

Day of the Dead involves a trapeze and a skeleton with flower eyes. You won’t see this at the Pink Pony, even in November.

And yes, I believe that is a duck performing something from Swan Lake.

By the end of the night my cheeks were sore from grinning so long. I sent texts to friends to badger them into going the following night and one of them regretted not attending both the Saturday performances.